New Obsession: Courthouse Confessions

I may be the last to know about Steven Hirsch‘s Courthouse Confessions blog, but I’m riveted nonetheless. I dare you not to be. Sad and hilarious and brilliant.

Here’s Janet:

___

Janet Braha.

I stole a bra. I did. ’cause I wanted it,
and I didn’t have enough money. Actually, I’m not [the bra type,] it
was very loose kinda bra, very comfortable, very tempting. I begged
them for me to take it, but they wouldn’t let me, they said I couldn’t
come back to the store for three more years. Urban Outfitters.

Sure,
I would [do it again.] I had so much fun coming here to court, I met
beautiful people, and I saw that it’s not as bad as you think. They
were all laughing, the whole time through, we were laughing, joking.
Stay good, don’t do bad things, you know? Do good things, don’t steal.

I
just needed one. That was a lacy, nice color, light blue one. I just
liked it. They came to my house because I missed a court date because
of the holiday, and they came to take me in. Knocked on my door and
took me. Shavuot. See, now they’re gonna say all these Jewish jokes
about stealing. Cheapness. I’m giving my people a bad name by stealing.
Yeah, I think so. I wanna do better. I wanna be a better human being.

I’m
having a hard time with money. I’m having a custody battle for my
children, they were taken from me by my ex-husband. And, I wouldn’t
steal normally. But things are getting hard to keep up with. A
comfortable, good, nice bra…hard to find.